I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
