The maid of honor just puked.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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