His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
