put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
