If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
