If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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