I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
