quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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