He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
