I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
