Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
