just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
