I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
