If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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