The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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