My room smells like vodka and shame
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
