Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You may now shotgun with the bride
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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