and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
