Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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