WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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