my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
