The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
