i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize