Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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