She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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