do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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