I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
