Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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