You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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