On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
