peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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