By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Semen is not good for contacts.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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