I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
