I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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