I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize