The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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