dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
