I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
