This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
