i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
