doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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