the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
