He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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