She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
