I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
