There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
