So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
