MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We're too hungover to prance.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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