Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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