i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
