I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
