I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
