I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I forgot wine drunk hurts
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
