So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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