Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize