Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
