I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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