my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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