During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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