Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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