I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
