I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
