he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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