Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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