So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
