Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
