Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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