I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
