I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
