ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
